The Boy with the Bread come to Drown out the Nightmares
by authorXX
Summary: Katniss had survived everything, but the nightmares from it all still haunt her. Will she be able to go back to Peeta? - Lemons in future chapters. First story so please read and review!


It's funny; you never actually think you can actually lose everything. Well, the truth is, you can. It's hard to let go of the loved ones you've lost, but you have to. Prim meant everything to me, _everything._ And now she's gone, forever. I never realised at first how little you cry when you lose someone so close to you, I think it's because you think about it more than anything. The last time I cried was a week ago, when buttercup, scrawny, gammy, buttercup waltzed into the kitchen. I broke down in front of her. God I hate that cat, but the thing is, we've kind of grown on one another. Every since that day, she's guarded me from whatever hellish creatures are out there. She only does this because she-we- both know, that Prim, is never coming back.

When I say I've lost everything, I have. I stay away from Peeta because, well, I'm scared. Not of him, although I don't know what his mind set is after the Hijacking, but, because, I don't know what my feelings towards him are anymore. During the times of the Games, when we were on show for the cameras, it didn't feel, well, real. However there were sparks when we kissed in the cave and when we were on the beach. Those kisses, were, perfect. Sparks flew, and, for a moment, I thought that I may grow too really like him, maybe more? Well I don't know, my head feels like it's going to explode like...like those parachutes did in Snow's 'pen' of innocent young children and my sister...

Gale's gone too, probably kissing some other girls lips in district two. He used to be my best friend.

Why did this rebellion change us all so much?!

My mind is so confused and all I want to do now is fall asleep and wait for the nightmares to come and drag me into an unconscious hell, if only Peeta's strong and loving arms were here to cradle me and lull me to sleep.

Just before I am about to doze off into a restless sleep, there is a knocking at the door. This is strange as most of the small population of District 12 ignore and avoid me because they think I'm crazy. Well, all apart from Peeta, Haymitch and Greasy Sae.

I stumble down stairs and open the door to find Peeta standing there in sweats and a tight white T-Shirt. Why did he have to look so handsome when I feel so guilty? His mesmerising blue eyes stair directly into mine and the cool summer breeze blows his hair away from his face.

What am I doing? Katniss stop I think to myself! Before I know it, I leap out of the door way and fling my arms around his neck. This is so wrong to do at this moment in time, but it feels so right. The guilt that had drowned me for weeks simply is pushed aside as this impulse of...what is it...lust? Love? Need? Well, whatever it is just swells up to my brim and takes over my body.

"Katniss? What are you doing?" Peeta says, the tone of his voice is confused but loving. We both know he wants it, but does he know I want it too? Do I want it?

"I don't know, to be perfectly honest with you. I know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you when I was being selfish and only worrying about myself, I'm sorry..."

"Sorry for what? For caring about your loved ones deaths? It's not your fault, you have to learn that, you have to engrave it into your head. You have to forgive yourself."

"I don't think I'm ready to forgive myself."

At this exact moment, I burst into tears and begin to slump onto the door step. I keep expecting Peeta to let go and just watch me, but as caring as he is, he slumps with me and caresses me whilst I let out all of my feelings and emotions be lost in the tears that are my guilt.

After what feels like a lifetime, I carefully stand up, knowing full well that my eyes are red and puffy.

"Peeta, I just need some sleep, you go home, and I can walk up stairs on my own."

He just looks at me. So much love in his eyes, it brings the corner of my mouth to turn up. A smile.

"Katniss, you always sleep with your windows open, I know you still have your nightmares."

"Yes, but I'm coping on my own."

"No you're not; the past weeks have been unbearable for me as well. Not because of the guilt that fills me because of the rebellion, but from not being there to hold you and guide you through the nights. I kept wondering if I should come over and be there for you, but, I honestly thought you hated me for all of the deaths."

"I could never hate you. I thought you hated me!"

"Katniss, no matter what you did or will do, I will never hate you."

At that moment, he picks me up and carries me upstairs and whilst I bury my head into the warmth of his baker's heart, he softly says;

"I love you."


End file.
